All In...

उड़ चला है दिल न जाने  किस  आकाश  में ,
उड़ता  जा  रहा  है  बस  उन्ही  की  तलाश  में ..
बादलो  के  गरज्नेसे  से  लडखडाता  है  कभी ..
तो  कभी  डर जाता  है  ये  बिजली  की  पुकार  से ..

बावरा  मन  भड़कता  है  इस  दिल  पर ..
"क्यों  उड़ रहा  है  तू  इस  उलटे सीधे  मोड़  पर ..
क्या  उन्हें  भी  पता  है  की  आप  आ रहे  हो ?
क्या  उन्हें  भी  पता  है  की  तुम  उनमें  समां  रहे  हो ?"

दिल  हस्के  कहता  है  मन  से ..
"तू  है  बावरा  और  बावरा  ही  रहेगा ..
मन  ही  मन  तू  तड़पता  ही  रहेगा .."
"दिल  खोल  के  कभी  इस  गगन  को  चूमके  तो   देखो ..
उनके  प्यार  की  बारिश  में  अपनी  आहटों  को  भीगते  तो  देखो .. !"

पागल  क्यों  समझता  है  तू  मुझे  ए  मेरे  मन ...
तू ही है मेरी  दोस्त, तू ही है मेरी  दर्पण ..
तू ही है मेरी  दोस्त, तू ही है मेरी  दर्पण ..

|m|, चिन्मय वाटवे ,|m|

All tensed up!!

It was a dull afternoon in March 2009. I was about 8 months old in CS and I had the keeda of driving a car. My friend's Nigerian friend had rented a Chrysler cruiser and he was good enough to give it to Ashish Deshmukh, my awesome friend. My friend drove the car around and we went to several places. Man, my adrenalin jumped in joy. I wanted to drive too.

I requested my friend to lend it to me for an hour so that I could go to Walmart for grocery shopping. My sincere request and innocent face forced him to give it to me. I was happy. I drove around like a pro, taking turns at the most acute angles. I felt like Sebastian Vettel. I reached home safely and then my friends called from McD which is about three stone-throws away from casa del sol. I wanted to show off. I picked them up.

Kunjan Majmudar, Shreyas Bedekar, Ameya Rao and Aditya Joshi sat in the car, trusting my driving skills completely. I peacefully drove to Normandy Square to drop off Kunjan where a thing happened.

I had to take a sharp right against oncoming traffic to park the car on the shoulder of the road. I was aware of the 1 feet deep pothole in the parking spot. So I hit the gas.....MUCH TOO LOVINGLY.

Bammm... I was in a state of shock. I knew I had hit the pavement in front of the car forcefully. My friends looked at me as if I had killed them. I did not want to move. I just wanted to rewind the last 8 seconds of my life. But the damage had been done.

I was left with a broken radiator, damaged bonnet and a badly drowned feeling. Why? Because: 1) The car was neither mine nor my friend's. 2) I was not added as a driver while renting the car 3) Was the car uninsured? I easily could guess the damage to be worth 1500$. Where will I get the money from? What will I tell Ashish? What will Ashish tell his friend?..... The whole world seemed to diminish.

I decided to drag the car somehow in from of my Casa 212 apartment even if the engine got red hot. That way, I could make a story and reduce the blame on myself. A gathering of friends pooled up. I made a few phone calls to a few PhD car owners. Everybody gave different degrees of torture. After 2 hours of public gathering and 200 different points to ponder, I decided to call Ashish and explain him a false story that was a bit more believable than my rugged driving experience. He was shocked and stunned. It was about 2AM then and we finally decided to take care of that the next day.

As with several other problems, a good night's sleep solved it all. I literally dreamt that The Nigerian had indeed taken complete insurance of the car. Next morning I checked the car thoroughly to look for papers. I found them. I, Ashish and his Nigerian friend were very relieved but there was a strange silence in the air. I felt sorry and conveyed it to them.

The final 6 mile drive to Enterprise rentals needed 20 pit stops for refilling coolant. Ironically, Enterprise did not even notice the problem when we returned the car as the damage was underneath. We returned happily and had a drink :)

Moral of the Story: 1) DO NOT drive cars that are not in your name. If you run out of luck, you may have to face dire consequences. 2) DO NOT panic as I did. Time solves all problems. 3) Take advice from 2-3 trustworthy people. Or you will run around like headless chicken. 4) You can either take liability insurance or complete damage waiver while renting a car. Its expensive but advisable to take CDW if you are a fresh driver. 5) If you have done something wrong, do not mention it to rental cars if easily possible. Once you leave their premises, they cannot blame you. So run before you get caught!

1000 days ago!

The night of July 28th 2008 was different. I was going to be away from my parents, sister and loving friends and relatives for the first time the next night. There was a resounding feeling of vacuum in everybody's heart. They were going to miss me and the feeling was definitely mutual.

My beautiful aai had planned the next 24 hours with the precision of a webbing spider. All my dear ones joined in to bid me adieu. I was treated like a prince who was going to take over the world. I was overwhelmed with painful joy. I almost wondered if I really deserved so much affection. I felt I had been a dumbo so long. I was filled with the naughty guilt of a 7 year old.

My sister made the most awesome coffee the next morning. My mother embraced me and her tears quickly rained upon my bald head. It only made me stronger but I felt that I was making a mistake of leaving them. I was soon treated to a mouthwatering breakfast while my parents and sis took care of packing my baggage.

The next hours saw me being artificially happy while responding to trivial queries of everybody who came to visit me. Cyrus Irani, my beloved parsi "mama" got a parcel of the famous "paradise chicken biriyani". It, coupled with mom-made chicken curry truly felt like paradise. Never had I eaten so much so quickly. (PS: My mother until that point was strictly against cooking meat at home).

The sun set and so did I. The time had come. Everybody seemed to act happy around me but "I will miss you" feeling could not be hidden. There were continuous episodes of cry and laughter. At the end laughter won. We happily did the final weight check. I took almost a lifetime to come out of the shower and wear the heaviest clothes. The ticket was non-cancellable and the i-20 and visa was not fake. I had to leave.

I put my arms around my mom and sis, making sure that I laughed to lighten the moments. The triple layer of clothing did not stop me from feeling dead cold inside. My cool father cool was also feeling sad. I could see the mix of sorrow and pride through his intense eyes and I almost wanted to breakdown. But I knew it would be disastrous. I saw my hero atlas cycle, yamaha libero and kinetic honda. They were pleading me to ride them. I was sorry. I was just glad that the fish in the aquarium would forget me after 3 seconds.

29th July 2008 2AM. We reached the beautiful Hyderabad Intrnl. airport. Its architectural beauty was an apt finale to our 45 Km drive. My Hyandai Santro also gave out its final breath to me. Man, I was a fool. I was a fool. I AM a fool.

I called Nishanth Pasupuleti to check his where abouts. He and his family soon arrived. We were to travel together. The two families met and alas! We all felt that we were not the only one missing each other.

The 54Kgs of luggage seemed much heavier. The cart rolled and I entered the port. I felt confident again. I loved flying. I took the boarding pass and went back out movie style to give the "last hug". That was the last time I saw them.

I will never know how they felt in the next few days until I am a parent myself. But I am sure it is not a pleasant feeling. The place where we had coffee, the plants that I watered, the floor where I slept would have shouted their throats out at my family.

After almost 3 years of ups and downs, I still bang my fists against the walls. I got to do better. I got to make them happy. But how? But how? The question remains unanswered.

Feelings of Eternity!

It feels like a saint to be covered in your paint,

Everytime I miss you, I just feel I’d faint,

O baby tere bina yon mai kaise jiyu

Yaad aaye teri baatein to bas mai aasu pochu

You are the sweetest one, so I cannot complain

I will just not force you, coz u cannot explain,

I would quit from this race if I could slow down my pace

And I would run from your life and leave behind no trace

All my fears go wrong when you are around me

All my tears vanish when you just glance at me

Karta hun tujhse mai pyar, kyon nahi samajhti tu yaar

Tu ek baar karde ikraar, to chodu sara sansar

When you miss my call an unknown fear kills me,

When you don’t text me back, a madness quickly fills me

U get the best out of me and kill the beast within me,

I cant start unloving you, even if you try forcing me,

Jaadu ye tera mujhpar chaya kuch aisa hai

Raato mein so na saku, dino mein tare ginu

I’ll drive away your pain, even in acid rain

Girl you can trust me on this, coz ur love is my bliss

Har aahat teri mujhko rulati hi kyon hai yaar

Thoda tu karle jo pyar, to mai hasdu ek baar

coz It feels like a saint to be covered in your paint,

Everytime I miss you, I just feel I’d faint,

It feels like a saint to be covered in your paint,

Everytime I miss you, I just feel I’d faint…