1000 days ago!

The night of July 28th 2008 was different. I was going to be away from my parents, sister and loving friends and relatives for the first time the next night. There was a resounding feeling of vacuum in everybody's heart. They were going to miss me and the feeling was definitely mutual.

My beautiful aai had planned the next 24 hours with the precision of a webbing spider. All my dear ones joined in to bid me adieu. I was treated like a prince who was going to take over the world. I was overwhelmed with painful joy. I almost wondered if I really deserved so much affection. I felt I had been a dumbo so long. I was filled with the naughty guilt of a 7 year old.

My sister made the most awesome coffee the next morning. My mother embraced me and her tears quickly rained upon my bald head. It only made me stronger but I felt that I was making a mistake of leaving them. I was soon treated to a mouthwatering breakfast while my parents and sis took care of packing my baggage.

The next hours saw me being artificially happy while responding to trivial queries of everybody who came to visit me. Cyrus Irani, my beloved parsi "mama" got a parcel of the famous "paradise chicken biriyani". It, coupled with mom-made chicken curry truly felt like paradise. Never had I eaten so much so quickly. (PS: My mother until that point was strictly against cooking meat at home).

The sun set and so did I. The time had come. Everybody seemed to act happy around me but "I will miss you" feeling could not be hidden. There were continuous episodes of cry and laughter. At the end laughter won. We happily did the final weight check. I took almost a lifetime to come out of the shower and wear the heaviest clothes. The ticket was non-cancellable and the i-20 and visa was not fake. I had to leave.

I put my arms around my mom and sis, making sure that I laughed to lighten the moments. The triple layer of clothing did not stop me from feeling dead cold inside. My cool father cool was also feeling sad. I could see the mix of sorrow and pride through his intense eyes and I almost wanted to breakdown. But I knew it would be disastrous. I saw my hero atlas cycle, yamaha libero and kinetic honda. They were pleading me to ride them. I was sorry. I was just glad that the fish in the aquarium would forget me after 3 seconds.

29th July 2008 2AM. We reached the beautiful Hyderabad Intrnl. airport. Its architectural beauty was an apt finale to our 45 Km drive. My Hyandai Santro also gave out its final breath to me. Man, I was a fool. I was a fool. I AM a fool.

I called Nishanth Pasupuleti to check his where abouts. He and his family soon arrived. We were to travel together. The two families met and alas! We all felt that we were not the only one missing each other.

The 54Kgs of luggage seemed much heavier. The cart rolled and I entered the port. I felt confident again. I loved flying. I took the boarding pass and went back out movie style to give the "last hug". That was the last time I saw them.

I will never know how they felt in the next few days until I am a parent myself. But I am sure it is not a pleasant feeling. The place where we had coffee, the plants that I watered, the floor where I slept would have shouted their throats out at my family.

After almost 3 years of ups and downs, I still bang my fists against the walls. I got to do better. I got to make them happy. But how? But how? The question remains unanswered.